Somebody told me that decisions careerwise at this time of my life are important. I think it's because the path we choose are subsequently the ones we have to continue.

That's what I'm having trouble with. I really don't know what I want to do. Somehow I know what I want to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do them. I don't know if I'm intelligent enough. What I know now is I want to work while studying law. Hopefully I can do it, but now I'm hesitating. It's just that there are lots of other nice things to do and I don't know if I'm ready to give them up.

The problem is I really do not know my strengths. I think this is a major problem.

What basically keeps me focused on making that decision is that others can do it. So can I. Right? It'll take time but I can do it. I really have to believe this.

Tuesdays are my hell days. Imagine 3 subjects in one day. And a total of 5 hours of pure torture from your professors. Torture in the form of recitations-will I be called, I wish I won't be called, I hope to God I won't be called. But you get called anyway.

But I went through the 3 subjects just awhile ago and it wasn't that bad. The terror teacher wasn't that bad. I got to answer some of the questions given to me (goody!). But over all it really wasn't that bad as I expected it to be. I think I was ready.

With God's help I really was ready.

And the questions given to me weren't that hard. Lucky I guess.

I hope I will be ready again the next time. :)

Omigosh.
I just realized that some of the notes I took down for my Criminal Procedure subject are not going to be tackled in class. And those took about 2 hours. I just lost 2 hours. 2 hours I could have read for my other subjects. 2 hours I could have slept. Hay. I guess I just have to learn the hard way.
And also, realize and stamp in my mind one of those morals from the fables: "Don't cry over spilled milk." It's just sooooo hard.
And now I'm panicking... And when I panic I can't study right. I have to rant. Hopefully this stops here already.

I hate it when things don't go my way (generalization for the way things turn-out, what is given to me, or what happened). For example just awhile ago I was at the mall where I bought something at KFC with a P500 bill. The cashier turned out had no hundreds for my change and resorted to giving me P20 bills. Arrggh...it was late at night, I don't believe that they had run out of hundreds since they had all day to collect them. Another incident, I was driving earlier and this bus suddenly stopped in front of me. Blah. I hate that the cars around me just passed me by. Haha, driver pride.

Why am I writing all of these? Because recently I've been thinking like this; that when things don't go my way I get a little mad. I think like the world is out there conspiring against me. Harsh I know. I just wrote it down to tell and prove to myself that thinking like this is insanity or craziness. Well...not to that high a level but it has hints of it hehe. I have to stop. Nothing good is resulting from thinking like this. And let's face it Madz, you're blessed so much to sweat the small stuff. Your parents give you whatever you want. You have a car to use, a high-class gym you go to, a great legal education you enjoy, and you passed all your subjects (not yet really) in the first semester. Idiot. You should enjoy those. Quit thinking like this, it's not good. Stop. Right now.

We're going to meet later at around 11.30a to watch "Happy Feet" in Gateway so yehey! I'm so happy that we're going to have time even for this, because our professor didn't give us extra assignments for our Obligations and Contracts class today. My friend told me that we should take advantage of oppurtunities like these because they are so few moments that we can fit in enjoyment into our very hectic studying schedule. And I think she's right. I hope that "Happy Feet" will be good... :)

Oh no! I woke up late when I even set the alarm to 7.30am. I finally woke up at 9:20. Arggh...I haven't finished the stuff I'm supposed to read yet. Oh no...

It was a full day for me. First I woke up at around 10 o'clock, ate my breakfast, and took a bath. After this I drove to Robinson's Ermita where while parking my car, I hit a post (arrghh again! This is my fourth time that I've done damage to my car). So I was frustrated with myself when I entered the mall.

I actually go there because my gym is located there, however I had other plans other than working out. I wanted to buy this pair of jeans that I saw the other day and this top that was on sale. Yes, I wanted to go shopping more than working out really. I think I'm addicted which is not really nice. The problem is the more I go to the mall, I get to see all these "cute" stuff that I want to buy. And then I imagine the thing and weigh out whether to buy it or not. I've read the first book in the Shop-a-Holic series by Sophie Kinsella and maybe I have the same way of thinking as she does. But she's really more of a spontaneous shopper while my way of thinking is more on "how great this shirt or those shoes will look good on me". I'm not like she is because she buys things out of nowhere. Anyway, the truth really on why I should stop is money. It doesn't grow on trees Madz. And I think I really spent a lot of it this sembreak which has continued until today. It must stop now.

Anyway, I went on to buy the jeans and the top. Afterwards, I went to Starbucks to study. My book on legal writing teaches about grammar and that's partly why I started writing here again. I want to practice my writing skills more. I realized that it has a big role in my ambition to become a lawyer. And I realized also that my writing somehow sucks...bigtime. I noticed this while I was answering the quiz in Consti II yesterday. And my professor, Atty. Saguisag, is really strict about the grammar and using the proper terms and words. Oh well, I really have to practice. I'll try writing here everyday.

After studying, I went to the gym and worked-out. I forgot to mention that while I was going about my activities, the whole Philippines was going crazy over the fact that Manny Pacquiao knocked out Eric Morales in 3 rounds. Really, I feel kinda annoyed with myself for being kinda apathetic. But still, I can feel how the Filipino people were happy that "Pacman" won. When I was watching the clips on how Morales was brought down I felt a sense of pride. I was not really apathetic to the event...it's just that I felt that I had more important things to do. I believe that what Manny achieved made every Filipino be more proud of his or her citizenship. And for that I'm really glad.

So it was really a fulfilling Sunday.

I just don't know what to put in the subject...hehe...

I'm tired. I'm tired of thinking about a lot of things. I'm tired of studying. The thing is I shouldn't be like this because I have a lot of blessings that have rectified whatever sacrifices I have to make. Like shopping and other enjoyments. But I think I'm entitled to get tired. Everyone is. Just writing about this makes me feel a whole lot better.

Hehe, its pathetic that after a long hiatus in writing here that I write like this. I just hope Wednesday will come and go soon enough.

Here I am with nothing to do again. I guess I'm just enjoying my life, my summer, and my job for the moment. I find myself not enjoying it too much though. It's because of the looming future ahead of me. I have to make decisions about my career. I really have to know whether I'm for Law or not. I just wish classes would start right now so that I can work at something. Right now I feel like I'm doing nothing and that makes me feel inadequate and even restless. I'm really looking forward to studying again though.

I'll never regret buying Bob Ong's new book about writing, "Stainless Longganisa". From him, I got new insights on what to write and how a writer puts one's thoughts into paper (or in this instance, a computer). Also, I got a message which the book implies, which is that writing isn't supposed to be hard for a writer. It's a skill that is honed but sometimes, it is also in the blood.

One thing I realize about writing is that one has to be patient. To be able to write down better sentences using the right words, one has to think and write down things one at a time. Maybe this is why I have such trouble writing sometimes. It's because I have little patience, and sometimes none at all. I just hope I have correct grammar whenever I write. Like this entry for instance. Hehe...

Writing is a past time I only started recently. I hope that I can go on and write better in the future through this practice. Especially since I need to be a better writer in order to pass the Bar exams and in order to become a good lawyer.